Sunday, May 22, 2011

Questioning God....

yes, you read that right. I am questioning God right now. If you read my blog you are not used to me saying things like that. You are used to just scrapbooking, happy go lucky posts, well that is not my life right now. If you read the by line under my blog title it says "A blog about mostly my scrappy self and the life that goes with it". Well this is the "life that goes with it part".

As I was sitting in church this morning with my two older children, both boys, I heard them say the intentions at the end of the mass for the dead and they said the name of someone I knew. A mother of one of my 9 year old son's classmates. I know this woman. She would volunteer at school with me. I just can not even understand this. When I asked my son about it he said, "yeah, it is .....'s mother and he does not like to talk about it". Well I guess he doesn't. He is a 10 year old little boy whose mother just died. I just don't understand how God can take away a little boy's mother.

The last time I felt like this was when my 48 year old aunt died of breast cancer. She had an eight year old daughter at the time. Her son was 17 and her oldest daughter was married. I just don't understand this. Children need their mothers. When I questioned God when this happened years ago, both my mother and my brother (who is now a priest) said "God takes people when they are at their best". Okay I understand that, but what about the children and spouses that are left behind suffering? I just don't understand that.

Maybe that is why I am stone faced at work sometimes when it comes to death. I just don't deal very well with it when it is close to me. Right now I have tears in my eyes and I just can't stand the fact that this little boy is now without his living mother for the rest of his life. It just does not seem fair.....................

God, please help me understand.

Until next time,
Heather

3 comments:

Joce said...

*HUGS* I'm sorry for your loss and the little boy's loss. I myself sometimes wonder why things happen this way. We will probably never understand.

Melissa D. said...

Just wanted to say that you are not alone in your questioning. I always assume that someday, if I do something right here on earth, I will get the answers to some of my questions. Either that or it will all be clear in heaven, if I get so lucky. Just pray. That is all we can do. He knows what His plan is even if we don't. Prayers for you and the little boy's family...

Andrea Amu said...

I know, Heather. It's not fair, is it?! I too face this and seek understanding everyday as a mother who has to live each day without her own babies. All I can rationalize in my own mind is that we are not being punished, but we are chosen to be examples... to show strength and courage. Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow and somedays I don't feel like wearing my armour, but I know that in the midst of it all, God is right there with me.
Very sorry to hear of your son's friends loss of his mother. Again, it isn't fair, but God's plan is much bigger than our understanding. ((hugs))